While to some, marriage today means an extinct or vanishing myth; a long forgotten ceremony of union-of- two-people which should not happen in the first place; a commitment made between a love that was born in two hearts only to be crashed from disillusionment, but still, many people who are looking for Christian ways to save a marriage truly believe in this holy covenant before God.
For even the most difficult marriages, divorce causes more problems than it solves, including:
- Try to find a new love later in life
- Needing to start a new life
- Dividing up assets and leaving each spouse worse off
- Leaving behind a broken family with no chance for redemption
- Feeling like a failure
- One spouse taking advantage of the absence of a prenuptial agreement
The list can only go endlessly. After all, it is human nature to come up with justifications for ending one’s marriage. The more the reasons, the better it feels to proceed. A lengthy list does lead to a strong conviction, or even vindication.
However, even if your spouse is pushing for a divorce, here are some drawbacks that you should urge them to consider:
- Divorce is very difficult for the children
- It is a very expensive and lengthy procedure
- Lawyers are the only real beneficiaries
- All martial problems can be resolved in time
- Conjugal love dies but gets resurrected in a healthier marriage
- Marriage needs constant work, not spurts of effort
It is not enough to stop one time or a few to consider that all actions have consequences. Even if couples had diligently seen a marriage counselor, there is still a possibility that something might have been missed. Hence, it is hard to set a time to make the ultimate decision, let alone cover all the bases. Every situation is unique, and so is every couple.
Saving a Christian Marriage
God willed for every marriage to last. He planned for a husband and wife to come together and find happiness in each other. The father is to be the protector and head of the family under God and the mother to be the home-builder and character molder of their children. That is the typical family home setting. At this modern day and age, we would wonder what happens to God’s ideal home? Why is it that the once “breath in heaven” have become a miniature “hell in earth”? That’s a far cry from what you have envisioned married life would be when you’re still building your dreams, when everything promises to be a bed of roses.
It’s true that even the most ideally matched couples won’t be expected to see eye to eye on everything, and that there will be an occasional clashing of views and opinions, struggles on dealing with each others preference and differences, but an acceptance that not all issues are worth an argument would stop many disagreements before they begin.
Is your marriage beginning to become greatly infested with impending dangers like short-fuse syndrome, feeling of alienation, unidentified tension between the two of you, and the cruel as the grave jealousy? Then it’s high time to make a declaration of faith that despite all the warning signs present in your relationship, there are still ways to combat them and emerge victorious. Here are some useful guidelines that will help save your marriage.
Here are some of the best ways to save a marriage for Christians.
Learn to Compromise
The term is defined as a settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions; an agreement in which both parties give up some demands; an adjustment of opposing principles or systems.Simply put, compromise is a combination of two words vital to making marriage works and they are “commit” and “promise”. Commit not to insist on having your way every time you wish your demands be fulfilled, and that there would be times that only in fully submitting to your husband’s will, will you win him with your views, because also in doing what is right can you persuade him to do right also.
Promise to follow and learn by heart what the scripture tells us to do “Agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.” – I Corinthians 1:10.
Fight to Solve Problems, Not to Win
Your relationship with your partner is not a competition. It’s not about being “right” or proving your partner wrong. It’s alright to expose your anger to the light as soon as it sprouts, as anger is a natural human emotion, and not releasing it might do more damage to your relationship. However, cruel words, insults, and careless passing on judgment will leave you both losers in the end. Verbal sparring will not earn you any respect from your spouse.
Learn to Forgive Your Spouse
When you decide to bury the hatchet just make sure that you will really do so. Don’t invest your time focusing on issues that doesn’t matter anymore. Don’t waste your energy complaining on something that happened in the past for however painful it was, time really heals all wounds. Why become stressed over things that you can not anymore change. If you really want peace inside your home learn not just to forgive, but most importantly learn to forget.
Be Each Other’s Best Friend
God intends for husbands and wives to be loving companions. One tried and tested secret to having a successful marriage is the very time couples decide to choose each other as their best friends. Friendship is the foundation of every great marriage. Couples should know how to let loose once in a while. They should take time to play together, sing a duet song in a party, pig out in a restaurant sitting in their once upon a time favorite spot. Schedule fun activities that will bond the two of you even more. Laugh together, cry together, do crazy things together.
Trust your mate to be the one who’ll understand your innermost fear and let him be the first one to celebrate your joys and success. Your marriage should encapsulate the ultimate of every earthly relationship. He should be the first and final person you’ll turn to especially when the rest of the world walks out. If you don’t consider your partner as your best friend, you might as well start working on it now.
Christian leaders have taught since early on that divorce is not an appropriate solution, but an escape tactic that seldom works.
The truth is, it takes a great deal of courage and maturity to stand up and say, “I want to stop a divorce”. It is much easier to turn one’s back and call it quits.