Many men and women dream of having a family of their own one day. Unfortunately, not all of them can have biological children. No matter the exact circumstances, it is always heart breaking to learn you may not be able to create a child with someone you love.

Time for Support, Not Blame

No matter who is infertile, this is a challenge that you and your partner share. It is during this tough time that you and your spouse will need to stick together and provide each other with all of the emotional support that you can give out. Remember that you should never point fingers during in this type of situation because no one is at fault here. Instead of playing the blame game, you can be much more productive if you come up with a game plan and dealing with this situation as you would any other problem.

Tips for Dealing with Infertility

Right now it may seem like this difficulty is overwhelming and insurmountable, so here are some suggestions for how to deal with infertility and bring back the peace and joy in your marriage.

  1. Don’t let despair overwhelm you – having children is not the only meaningful aspect of one’s life. Remember that even if you never have a child, you can take a job or volunteer at an opportunity with children, or you can find meaning in other ways, such as spirituality, volunteering, or a new hobby.
  2. Discuss with your partner the options you are willing or unwilling to consider in your desire to have a child. It may be uncomfortable to bring up, when your feelings are still raw, but you’ll feel better about the news if you have a plan for your next course of action.
    • Would a pregnancy be too risky for the mother’s body, and is it worth the risk?
    • Artificial insemination can result in pregnancy, but it’s also expensive, uncomfortable and time-consuming, with no guarantee of conception. Is it worth the potential heartbreak if it fails?
    • Would hiring a surrogate mother to carry your biological child be considered?
    • Are you willing to adopt? Is it important to you that the child looks like you, or is an infant? What about the risk that the biological mother could change her mind?
  3. Get support and encouragement from other people who are struggling with the same exact feelings that you are, whether on an online infertility support forum like FertileThoughts or FertilityCommunity, or in a real-life support group or club. You would be surprised at how much help that simply knowing others are going through the exact same thing as you can be.

Above all else, don’t let this challenge interfere with your love for your partner. Keep communication lines open, talk about what you’re feeling, and work together to come up with a game plan for how the two of you will talk the infertility – together.

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