Few things are more damaging to a marriage than infidelity. Regardless of the health of the marriage in the time leading up to an affair, the fallout from the erosion of trust, the loss of intimacy, and the feelings of betrayal that straying often bring about can make it difficult for even the best couples to recover.
For those who have cheated on their spouses, finding a way to recover from the end of affair and rebuild what has been lost can seem an almost impossible task. By leaving past affairs completely in the past, and recommitting yourself to your relationship, it may be possible to salvage your marriage and begin to start over.
Ending the Adultery
The only way to mark the end of affair and move on completely is to cut off all ties to the person with whom you were unfaithful. Even if this person has an established relationship with both you and your spouse, continued communication with them will make it far more difficult to move on.
Not only will this lack of contact remove one source of temptation from your life, it will also enable you to make a strong statement that you value your relationship with your spouse far more than you do your relationship with this other person. While this in and of itself may not be enough, it can be a solid first step.
The partner who has cheated should confront head on the fact that they have betrayed the trust of their spouse. In discussions on moving forward in your relationship, it is important to avoid defensive language or any attempts to justify your actions.
Each couple handles these situations differently, and you should allow your husband or wife to dictate the terms of regaining their trust. This may mean allowing them access to your email accounts or phone, or it may mean that you check in with them more regularly. By being completely open, you can begin to win their trust back and once again get your marriage onto solid ground.
Solving the Underlying Marital Problem
Many affairs are rooted in problems in the relationship. Whether you and your spouse have been spending less time together, have been arguing about life changes, or you are having difficulty at work, address these issues at the close of the affair. Marriage counseling questions may help you get a better grasp of the true underlying causes of your marital struggles.
Remember, reasons should not be offered up as excuses for one’s infidelity, but addressing them can be a way to make your marriage stronger than it had ever been before. For some, this means instituting a regular date night, helping to find a more equitable way of dividing chores, or simply making an effort to dine together each night. As these feelings of closeness are once again introduced in an organic way, the desire to cheat, and your spouse’s hurt feelings, will be lessened.
For those who are willing to put in the work, learning how to end an affair without sacrificing their marriage is possible. Getting your relationship back to its former strength may take time or professional counseling, but the closeness that you will gain and the skills to deal with future problems will be invaluable. As long as both partners are committed to making it work, there is nothing from which a good marriage cannot recover.