For couples who have just brought an infant home, the joy of this new family member can quickly become eclipsed by marriage problems after baby. Many couples notice that the number of fights they have per week, or even per day, rises astronomically after bringing their child home. Between a lack of sleep, the pressure of parenting, and an increase in the number of household chores that must be done, it is no wonder that the pressure can get to even the strongest couples. The tips that follow will help you address marital problems after baby as they arise, and deal with them in a mutually beneficial and lasting way.
Dividing Chores in Your Marriage after Baby
One of the biggest sources of tension between new parents is the division of labor in the home. Often mothers feel like they are taking on the bulk of the work in raising the child and caring for the home. Studies suggest that in most cases, these mothers are right.
There are a few different ways of dealing with these feelings, and parenting experts recommend that couples try to take the long view. Early in your child’s life, he or she will be incredibly dependent on their mother for food and comfort, and many men have difficulty stepping in and filling these roles. However, as your child grows and their needs change, fathers often step up and shoulder more of the burden.
Another way of dealing with how chores are dividing is as simple as creating an assignment sheet with your partner. By breaking down all the jobs that must be done within the house, from waking up in the night to cooking dinner, you will be able to find a system that allows you to divide the work equally. As responsibilities wax or wane, the list can be amended as needed.
Communicating Better To Fix Unhappy Marriage After Baby
Such a huge change in your life, no matter how wonderful and exciting, can leave both parents feeling stressed and out of sorts. The key to getting through these periods is in talking to one another. If you can, set aside a time each day to talk through your parenting insecurities, your wishes for the future, and any area in which you need help. Remember that every new parent feels these things, and such feelings are in no way a reflection of your abilities or the job you are doing raising your child.
These talks can serve to make you feel more connected once again to your spouse. This will not only strengthen your marriage, but it will also help you codify your parenting strategies with one another. By talking through your goals as parents, and what you define as successful parenting, you will be in a much better position to co-parent in the future.
Make Time For Adult Activities
This is especially important is one member of the couple is staying home full time with your baby. While this can be wonderfully fulfilling, formerly busy adults can feel as though they are losing part of their identity. By finding time to have a grown up meal, a glass of wine, or simply to reconnect with your partner on an adult level, you will be able to navigate these bumps in the road and maintain your sense of self.