Getting over a marriage or long-term relationship can be more than a little difficult. You have years of your life invested in the relationship, so letting go and finding ways to heal takes time. The good news, is that it is possible to find life, and love, after a breakup. While healing will be different for everyone, here are a few pointers you can keep in mind while you’re on the mend.

Give yourself time to mourn – The biggest mistake you can make is trying to get over the breakup too quickly. Although you don’t have to spend every waking hour sulking in your bathrobe, it’s okay to feel sad. If you feel like taking a little time to cry or grieve, then do it. Just like any loss, the ending of your marriage or relationship will require a mourning process. There is no right or wrong way to go about this, and there is no timeframe you should adhere to. You will move on to the next step of your process when you’re ready. 

Forgive your ex – One of the best things you can do for yourself is to let go of past hurts. Acknowledge that your former partner isn’t perfect, that he or she may have hurt you, and then let it go. Don’t blame yourself for his or her actions. Don’t spend your days trying to figure out why wrongs were done against you. Just acknowledge your feelings, and allow yourself to move on.

Learn from the past – You can move past old hurts, but that doesn’t mean you can’t determine what your role was in the breakdown of your relationship. Maybe you allowed bad behavior to go on too long before making a stand. Maybe you will realize how you contributed to the problems you had. By figuring out what your hand in the problem was, you can spend time working on yourself. This will not only allow you to feel better about yourself and help you work through old issues, but it will also help ensure that you don’t bring old baggage into a new relationship.

Do things you love – This might mean going out with friends and doing activities you didn’t get to enjoy while married. It could also simply mean sitting back and enjoying watching a movie or having dinner at home. Even when you’re in the throes of mourning your failed relationship, add as much fun and relaxation into your life as possible.

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