Recovering from infidelity can be some of the most difficult and most rewarding work that two people ever do in their marriage, if they have the courage and the willingness to do it. A marriage that has experienced infidelity in either partner has deep wounds that can trace their origin back to the time before the infidelity even occurred, though that may be sometimes hard to imagine.

It can be easy to think that the entire fault for a marriage’s troubles can be laid at the door of the partner who was unfaithful, but the truth is a harder pill to swallow: if the marriage had been completely healthy and strong to begin with, the infidelity would not have occurred. In recovering from adultery, then, there is broken trust that needs to be healed, both from the circumstances of the actual infidelity, and there is an even deeper healing that needs to happen within the marriage. Both partners need to realize that their relationship had slowly and silently deteriorated to the point that infidelity was even a viable option for either or both partners in the marriage.

How a Marriage Counselor Can Help a Relationship Recover from Adultery

Marriage counseling, infidelity-related or otherwise,  is an invaluable aid in a situation that can otherwise have moments of feeling utterly insurmountable. The counselor can help to create a safe environment where healing can begin. Like a physical therapist who helps someone to heal after an accident, the counselor can help both partners of the marriage dig deep to discover just where it hurts and why.

In addition to lending insight and helping both people to see their situation with new eyes, the counselor is also there to help in a very practical and hands-on way just like the physical therapist; the marriage counselor shares exercises that help to change attitudes and behaviors which have immediate and tangible benefits as well as long-term positive effects on the health of the marriage.

Sitting in a counselor’s office and answering marriage counseling questions may not be what any couple ever thought they would need to do, but the truth is that no one is perfect and sometimes a couple is imperfect in a spectacular way, a way in which an expert relationship counselor is uniquely suited to lend guidance.

Relationship Counseling Questions for Infidelity Recovery

A marriage counselor may ask the couple, especially the partner that was cheated on, bluntly why you are looking for marriage counselor – to win the fight or to repair the relationship? Because if infidelity happened, something broke down somewhere along the the relationship, and both partners are at least partly at fault. It may be very difficult for the jilted partner to accept any blame for what has happened.

Another tricky couples counseling question is, are you truly going to be able to forgive and forgive, when the counseling sessions are behind you and you’re trying to move forward as a couple? And more importantly, can you love your husband or your wife unconditionally, despite the adultery they have committed and the pain they have brought you.

Marriage counseling for infidelity recovery is about much more than you – it’s about two people in a loving relationship and their family. Some people have success with traditional counseling, some with alternative marriage counseling techniques, and some handle their relationships on their own. While it is immensely helpful to have support from a professional to guide you through the hurdles of recovering from a marriage after infidelity, the true defining factor for success is commitment to the relationship.

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4 Responses to Marriage Counseling – Infidelity Recovery

  1. Benbaillaud says:

    My wife and I are struggling to make this work. 13 years together (11 of them married) and I’m not going to give up on our love without a fight.

  2. admin says:

    Thank you for your comment. I completely agree – true love is worth the battle. I wish you the best of luck!

  3. Marc says:

    My wife and I have been married for.5 years. She went to a friends house for new years eve and things happened. The thing that gets me is that this guy and I were sorta friends. Snugly that knowingly sleeps with a married woman deserves everything that happens to him. I love my wife so much and we have been through so much together. Now she has feelings for him and my marriage is close to the edge. What do I do?

  4. admin says:

    Marc, I’m so sorry to hear about your wife’s infidelity. No spouse should have to endure that pain. One thing to keep in mind is that it sounds like by your wife and your “friend” cheated together. They are equally at fault. Please do not minimize your wife’s behavior because you love her. That said, true remorse will have to come from her. As long as you have expressed your pain, your love for her, and your willingness to forgive her, there is nothing more you can do. Unless you choose to leave her, the decision is in her hands. If she will not attend counseling with you, I suggest you talk to a counselor by yourself. This might encourage her to attend with you, but even if your marriage must end, it is important for you to realize you are not to blame. You are a worthwhile person who did not deserve to be cheated on.

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