DA wrote:

I’ve been married 1 month, happily. My question is this: How do you feel about a spouse relating to past relationships she has had? Not sure why, but I get a funny feeling in my gut when this happens. Do you think this is a good idea to share this stuff? Please let me know so I can move on.


Dear DA,

I’m sure it’s hard to hear your wife mention another man when discussing things in your own relationship.  Whether or not I’d consider this inappropriate would depend on the context. Is she talking about her ex in a flattering way? As in, when you have an argument, is she throwing up the fact that HE would never have said/done what you did? If so, then that is going to harm your relationship. If this is the case, you should sit down and have a long talk with her about why this bothers you, and ask her to refrain from mentioning former relationships during arguments and other heated times.

That said, if she mentions him in passing as part of normal conversation, then it’s probably nothing to be concerned about. For instance, if you ask if she’s ever had sushi, and she mentions having it with her ex, then that’s harmless. People relate to things through their past experiences, and it’s only natural that some of her former experiences involved her former relationships.

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