CC License via Kevin Dooley

CC License via Kevin Dooley

My husband and I have been in conflict about something with his son’s (who is now my stepson) grandfather. He from time to time likes to text my husband about his grandson due to the fact that his daughter is not replying to him whatsoever. My argument is why does he feel he (the grandfather) feels he needs to contact my husband? He is NOT with her anymore and my husband has his son on set days of the week. The minute she doesn’t reply he continually texts my husband like he is to know what is going on?!

I get angry because it feel as if the grandfather doesn’t respect my marriage and continues to ask questions like my husband is to know their whereabouts.

We get into an argument about it and I think my husband doesn’t understand the circumstance. I get the fact that his son’s grandfather is a concerned grandparent, but at the same time my husband is NOT with her anymore and I feel he has no business asking him anything. They are NOT together anymore so why the constant contacting my husband for? My husband disagrees but I know I am right on this one.

My husband says what is the difference between you contacting your son’s (our son’s ex) our about our grandson!?? I said because that is OUR child and OUR grandson! There is a HUGE difference but he begs to differ…

Please help me make him understand that is ex’s father is NOT respecting our marriage in any way, shape, or form.

I see no need for him to ask anything to my husband because he is NOT with her anymore and this is deeper its between the grandfather and his daughter, NOT my husband by any means. Am I wrong or right on this one?



I am sorry to hear about the tension that this issue is causing your marriage. Family issues are always tricky to work out, and they definitely get more complicated with exes in the picture!

I think that you have identified the core issue correctly – your husband’s former father-in-law is the source of the issue, and your husband is merely defending his actions. I fully agree that it is inappropriate for him to contact your husband for information on your husband’s ex. However, I don’t think it is unreasonable for him to contact your husband regarding his grandson, as long as your husband doesn’t mind. They do share a bond as a father and grandfather to the child, even if the family bond as your husband’s father-in-law no longer exists.

I would suggest you discuss this with your husband to determine if he is willing to draw the line between questions about his son versus questions about his ex. You may be able to come to a compromise where your husband agrees to ignore any questions about his ex, and communicates with his son’s grandfather that he is unable to answer any questions about her and to please not ask them. However, if your husband is willing to discuss his son with him, and while I understand where you are coming from, I would still consider the choice on who he discusses his son with to be your husband’s.

As far as the implied disrespect that your stepson’s grandfather is demonstrating, I would guess that his actions have more to do with focusing solely on his daughter and grandson and ignoring all other consequences, and less to do with purposely hurting you. I agree that he is being inconsiderate, but apart from your husband convincing him to leave questions about his ex alone, (and as long as your husband is willing to talk to him) I’m not sure there is much else you can do to change his behavior, unfortunately. It may help to remember that his opinion of your marriage should hold no meaning to you – you are not trying to seek his approval and do not need him to acknowledge the strength of your relationship with your husband.

Finally, I would encourage you bring this discussion up with your husband, not in anger or jealousy, but honestly express to him how the situation makes you feel. He may have no idea how much it hurts you when he discusses his ex with this man, and how your relationship with him feels ignored or inferior to his previous relationship when he stays in contact with his son’s grandfather. I fully believe that this situation is resolvable and that the two of you can build a compromise that will make both of you happy.

Wishing you the best of luck with this entanglement!





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