I am 41 years old. My wife and I have been together for almost 13 years. The problem I have is a couple of years ago I was cyber cheating on my wife. I have never had an affair but I was ready to leave. My wife caught me several times lying to her. One night it got really bad and she attempted to break the computer so I wouldn’t do it again. Long story short I apologized and told her I loved her. In about a year she told me she needed some time to sort out things because she was unhappy.
She decided to move back in a couple of months later. She wanted to try it and see how things went. I have done everything for her… I help clean the house weekly, run errands, etc. However, it never felt right. We always acted like we were roommates. Until she said a couple of days ago she needed some time to think on where she wants to be in life. I always told her I loved her and she kept on saying “OK”.
Now she’s left again, staying at a friend’s house. She wrote me a letter and said it was not fair to me how she has been acting and doesn’t want to destroy something we have in common is our friendship together. Of course that broke my heart. She said she still can’t get over the time I was cyber cheating and I told her I wanted to leave and I was trying to find a place to stay. Now she tells she wants to use this time to be with her best friend who also recently divorced.
Is this the end or could she come back to me? We share so much in common, we love pets, we feed critters and birds from our patio, we can’t stand to see people starve and not be able to afford clothing.
I want to wait for her as long as it takes her to make a decision, but I feel she already decided and she is just checking to see if I’ll be able to make it on my own. I love her to the deepest of my heart, however I don’t believe she feels the same way.
I’m sorry your wife is having second thoughts about your marriage. First off, I want to ask if you’ve asked her if she feels the same way? If you haven’t, I would sit down and have a calm discussion on where she stands in terms of her feelings. Even if she can’t picture working things out, if she still loves you, there is a chance you can convince her to see a marriage counselor. By sitting down with a professional, you may be able to see where each of you can work on yourselves to improve the marriage. In particular, you should discuss your past infidelities and how they have impacted the way your wife feels for you now.
Unfortunately, there is no way for me to know if your wife will come back home. There is always hope, and if you still have feelings for one another, then there may be some chance that you can reconnect. If not then you may consider marriage counseling for yourself to work through your own issues and come to grips with whatever happens next.