Y wrote:

For some reason my fiancé always hides things behind my back. I always have to find out what he does by other people. I’m tired of his lies. But I love him. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave him. But I don’t want him to mess around with me either.


Dear Y,

Unfortunately, lying is a red flag that you should not take lightly. It’s possible he lies to avoid confrontation. Do you have a tendency to overreact to things that shouldn’t be a big deal? If that is the case, then he may just want to avoid telling you anything he thinks you’ll find even slightly annoying. That doesn’t excuse his lying about it, but it gives you a concrete problem you can work on.

If that’s not the case, then you need to determine why he’s lying. Sit him down and calmly discuss the situation. Avoid accusing him of things or being over the top, but let him know that it makes you very uncomfortable. If he becomes confrontational, then that should be a sign that there may be something going on. If he’s willing to talk, then delve a little deeper and find out why he fibs.

That said, if he’s lying about serious issues such as money or infidelity, then you should really reconsider whether or not marriage is the best option right now. Couples therapy with a licensed counselor is the way to go if you can’t handle things yourself. And remember; don’t walk down that aisle until you are sure you can trust him 100%. Lies and dishonesty are not a solid foundation for a marriage.

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