It may seem that a troubled marriage would be something obvious. Visions of constant arguing or fighting probably come to mind. It’s true, many couples who go on to divorce do have frequent arguments. But, for some, the trouble in their marriages lies a little deeper. One or more parties may harbor resentment. Or, a couple might know there are issues, but they may go much deeper than iehter party realizes.
So how do you know when your own marriage has bypassed “a few problems” into dangerous territory? Consider the following warning signs.
Warning sign #1: Nobody is talking.
Just because a couple isn’t fighting nonstop doesn’t mean there aren’t problems. In fact, silence can be a much more telling sign of trouble. Healthy couples talk through issues and have open communication. They spend time with each other, and engage in conversation. If you find yourself dreading when your spouse comes home from work, or if you retreat to another room to be alone instead of spending a little time with him or her, you may want to ask yourself why. 
Warning sign #2: You no longer care.
In the beginning of a relationship, there is a built-in fear of losing the other person. If you’ve been having problems at home, it’s important to remember that there is a difference between being angry, sad, or depression and being cold to the issues. If ending the marriage seems less scary than working through your problems, it could be a sign that your relationship is in more trouble than you realize.
Warning sign #3: Your kids speak up.
Sometimes it’s hard to see what it right in front of you. It’s easy to deny that problems exist until a third party points them out. If your children (or friends, for that matter) start asking questions about your relationship, it may be time to stop and listen. They probably have a more accurate gauge of how much fighting is going on than you do.
Remember that having serious problems doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is over. You can still attend marriage counseling and work to fix whatever issues you’re facing. Deep down, you probably know if your relationship is in serious trouble, but it’s easy to ignore that fact to hide behind the idea of a perfect marriage. The first step is acknowledging the problem. Doing so will give you a much bigger chance of fixing it.
